texts from last night dot com

(334): i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
(1-334): so you're single again?
(334): yea but it was worth it

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(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

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(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie

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(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

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(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

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